Tag Archive: victim


Abusers

Abusers (#1)

Abusers are unhealthy people that take pleasure in dominating and/or hurting others. For whatever reason, this is the person they have developed into.

Yes, there may be a nice person lost deep inside, but they will do whatever they can to keep that person suppressed. The odds are EXTREMELY high that by befriending them, you are NOT going to get that personality to rise to the surface and become dominant. In other words, YOU are not going to rehabilitate that person by being their friend. You are most likely going to get hurt. And, if you have been hurt badly in your past, I can almost GUARANTEE that you will get hurt, as well as get drawn into a twisted, dysfunctional relationship where the ‘nice person deep inside’ rises to the surface just often enough to keep you coming back for more abuse.

We MUST learn to evaluate people, and to evaluate them the way the Bible tells us: by their fruit (actions), not by their words.

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Abusers (#2)

If you have a history of abuse, you likely complain about two things:

1. You keep picking the wrong guys (people)
2. Nice guys (people) don’t want you

I’m going to clue you in on something, and I want you to pray about it. I also want you to read it several times, until it really sinks in . . .

Abusers do not know how to have relationships with healthy people. The only people they know how to interact with are victims. Therefore, they watch carefully to see who they might be able to ‘get along’ with. (Remember, an abuser derives PLEASURE from an abusive relationship–to him it’s all good. The VICTIM derives pain and confusion.)

So, the abuser scopes out women to find someone he feels compatible with . . . someone he can dominate and/or abuse.

Victim, you are like a little lamb. Little lambs hide from danger . . . but sadly, victims don’t. What’s worse, you advertise yourself as a victim, even though you don’t mean to do that, and don’t realize it’s what you’re doing.
Here is how you do it–and this is what leads to both of the problems (1 & 2, above) that you have:

Victims give the new acquaintance (abuser) trust that he doesn’t deserve. They do this by opening up and revealing, to the abuser, that they have been hurt before. Then, they try to get him to promise that HE won’t hurt them.

STOP DOING THIS!! This is where the problem lies.

You’ve heard of poker, right? You know you don’t reveal your cards to the other players, right? You know you be very careful, by your words and body language, not to reveal what’s in your hand, right? THIS IS WHAT YOU MUST DO WITH STRANGERS!! . . . no matter how comfortable you might feel around them.

This is exactly what ABUSERS do, to make YOU feel comfortable–they keep their cards close to their chest. Even worse, they put on lamb’s wool and behave meekly around you. They may even lead you to believe that THEY are a victim.

(In this ruse, the victim often sees and senses the danger, but instead of hiding, they put on a brave face and talk with the abuser. They try to draw out the ‘nice person hiding deep within them’ and try to convince the abuser that they (the victim!!) are a safe person that the abuser can trust.)

Regardless of your initial impression, if you are someone who has been abused, DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN WITH A PERSON UNTIL YOU HAVE KNOWN THEM QUITE AWHILE.

First impressions, especially the first impressions that a victim has, are often WRONG–especially when you are dealing with an ABUSER who is purposely misrepresenting himself as someone safe, which they usually do. Therefore, you need to be around a person for awhile, keep on your poker face, and watch and evaluate them carefully, to see who they REALLY are, before revealing personal things to them.

Now, let me tell you WHY you have these two problems.

1. You keep picking the wrong guys

You are picking the wrong guys because you open up to strangers that you have just met, and you tell them that you have been hurt or abused. Or you IMPLY it, by saying telling things like ‘I don’t like guys that play games’, ‘I have a very tender heart’, ‘I don’t want to get hurt’, etc., etc.

Abusers LOVE these kind of revelations, because it means they’ve got you on the hook. All they have to do is reel you in. And so they LIE. Yes, they deliberately LIE and tell you whatever it is you want to hear. They will promise you, all day long, that they will NEVER hurt you. (Then later, when they virtually destroy you, you are mystified as to what you might have done to cause them to break their promise. NOTHING!! You did nothing!! They lied!!)

You keep picking these guys because they GO OUT OF THEIR WAY to make you feel safe, comfortable, and loved–and you fall for it. They will go to great lengths to win you over, because they are trying to compensate for having a lot of meanness and cruelty on the inside. They almost always OVERcompensate though–which means they can seem like the nicest guy in the room. You feel flattered that such a nice guy would be paying attention to you.

2. Nice guys (people) don’t want you

Actually, this isn’t completely true. There probably ARE nice guys that want you or are attracted to you, but you SCARE THEM AWAY when you start telling them about how you’ve been hurt before, and trying to gain their reassurance that they too won’t hurt you.

Here’s the thing . . . any nice, honest person is well aware that they are not perfect, and that they MIGHT hurt you, although not on purpose. A nice, honest person does not want to add to your pain, and they know that (unintentionally) they might. After you’ve made such revelations to them, they see you as emotionally fragile and easily hurt, and so they back away.

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The very behavior that draws abusers TO you, pushes nice guys AWAY from you. And the irony is, the nice guys DO like you, and would NOT want to deliberately hurt you . . . but the abuser won’t hesitate to lie and make false promises, so HE is the one you choose!

Contrary to your fears, there is nothing inherently WRONG with you. You have just developed a behavior pattern that is dangerous and self-defeating. You do not DESERVE abuse, and it is NOT true that no one nice will ever love you. However, if you do not change this behavior, nice guys will only be able to love you from afar.

Obey Jesus . . . know them, discern them, by their fruits.

To recap:

Nice guys will RARELY promise not to hurt you, because they don’t want to LIE to you. They don’t want to make a promise to you, and then betray your trust or hurt you further by doing something unintentional, or because you are fragile and easily hurt.

Abusers however, will tell you EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO HEAR. They will promise you everything you long for, and they won’t mean one word of it. They have no intention of putting even ONE OUNCE of effort into keeping their word. You, my dear, are a tasty lamb and they are a hungry wolf. They are going to do what comes natural . . . so: BEWARE!!

 

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You can’t be a follower of Jesus and be a homosexual.

I can’t follow Jesus and be a thief, or a murderer.  If I am a thief and want to follow Jesus, I must leave stealing behind.  If I am a murderer and want to follow Jesus, I must leave killing behind.

When we follow Jesus, we put our ‘flesh’ (sinful desires and actions) to death . . .  deny ourselves . . . ‘die to’ our old selves . . . are ‘born again’ . . . born of the spirit  . . . have a new life . . .  We become new creations!

When we accept Jesus’ death, on our behalf, we must come to Him on His terms. We confess our sins, repent of them, and don’t practice them any longer.  He forgives our sins and washes them away, and we are made new.

You may argue that being a homosexual is who you are–I argue that is who you are because it is what you do.

Contrary to some people’s arguments, people are not born homosexual.  If you have the normal XX or XY chromosomes, your gender is not in question.  (If you ARE a hermaphrodite, or have chromosomal problems, that’s a different story.)

Here are reasons you may not feel comfortable with your gender:

  • The way you are raised and treated.
  • The expectations or prejudices you are exposed to.
  • The popularity and promotion of homosexuality in our culture.
  • Peer pressure.

But here are what I believe are the three most important factors:  being wounded in your early relationships, being molested by someone of the same gender (remembered or  not), demonic influence.

There are a number of ways these factors can work together, although any one of them can lead you to the conclusion, and feeling, that you are gay.  But, when they are combined, their effect is greatly multiplied, and you will feel an almost irresistible pull towards homosexuality.

One of the common ways it plays out is:

1. A child is rejected by his father (living with rejection is more damaging than being abandoned).  Young children trust adults and see them almost as gods.  If a young child is receiving the message, from an adult, that he is not worthy, he may disown himself (or aspects of himself).  If he is a bit older, he may hate the adult and vow not to be like him.  Either way, if a boy does not have a healthy relationship with his father (or an adult male), he will have an emptiness that will cause him to gravitate towards ‘father figures’ in his life.  This may be adult males, or boys that are older than him that seem more masculine to him than he feels.

Here is where a problem begins.  Young, wounded boys are very alluring to predatory men (including pedophiles) and delinquent boys.  A wounded boy is a magnet for sick and perverse males, and he is soon going to end up in bad company.  He doesn’t have to be molested to become homosexual–he may idolize the man or boy he follows, to the extent that he falls in love with him.  The whole issue is that he doesn’t love and accept himself.

The irony is–some well meaning single mothers introduce predatory men into their wounded son’s life, without being aware of it. A single mother has her own issues, and she may be very relieved to have found a man who shows a fatherly interest in her son.

These are the worst situations, because the boy is unable to extricate himself from the relationship, and is unlikely to tell his mother what is happening.  He will likely be at the man’s mercy for many years.  This man, given enough time, will likely mold the boy into a replica of himself.  Undoing the damage, if the grown up boy is willing, may occupy much of the rest of his life.

2.  Wounded boys are needy and vulnerable, magnets for pedophiles, and very likely to be molested. They pretty well have a sign on their forehead saying “victim”, which predators quickly home in on.  Each molestation makes another one more likely.

The boy is molded physically, mentally, and emotionally by these experiences, and logically forms an identity as inferior, a victim, and as a homosexual.  He does not realize that someone else appointed this identity to him, instead he believes they recognized what he already must have been–not true!!  The only thing he was is needy and vulnerable.

3.  Demonic influence–I think this is one of the biggest reasons that homosexuality is so commonplace today. Demonic forces promote sin in every form.  Demonic forces actively deceive, tempt, and seduce people into sin.  Just as we may have ‘guardian angels’, people are accompanied by demonic spirits.  Demonic beings act persistently in a person’s life, usually to the extent that they are successful in luring him into sin.

Demonic spirits can gain entrance to a person’s life (not the same as actually being possessed) through things they partake of (including music, movies, magazines, etc.), through interactions with other people (who ‘entertain’ demons in their life), and by chance.  MANY of these demonic beings are with us, in our sinful culture today, and they are a powerful force behind the promotion of homosexuality.

Homosexuality is neither normal nor natural.  God says it is an abomination to Him.  He also says that, when He is totally disgusted with a person (to paraphrase), He will give them over to a ‘reprobate mind’ and homosexuality.

With that in mind, does homosexuality really sound like something people are born with?  Do you think God would create someone that way, so that He would turn His back on him from the day he was born?  No.  Absolutely not!!  The temptation to homosexuality, however, may find its way into your life at a very early age.

I believe that part of the recent increase in demonic activity in America, is a concerted Satanic attack on children.  With a culture that lies to us and says that homosexuality is normal and that speaking against it is hateful (or criminal)–how many parents are going to steer their young children away from homosexuality when they are being tempted and deceived by demonic spirits (or other kids, or society, etc. for that matter)?

By trying to be ‘politically correct’, we are leaving our vulnerable children open to the most vile temptations and influences.  These sins, that we are afraid to speak against, have the power to imprison our children in chains of heavy bondage, and open the door to other powerful delusions and doctrines of Satan.

Parents:  we live in perilous, vile, and deceptive times–you had better get serious about protecting your children from evil!!

‘Christian parents’:  if you won’t teach your children right from wrong, and the truth from a lie–who do you think will?  And who do you think God will hold responsible?

Homosexuality: Why Is It Such A Big Deal?

Unconditional Salvation?

It’s interesting when someone, who knows nothing about you, tells you something about yourself that you didn’t know–and it’ sure makes them look ridiculous when they’re wrong!

Jimmy Carter says I’m a racist. Hmm . . . really? Lets consider the source. I used to admire Mr. Carter. Because of his work with Habitat for Humanity, I figured he must just be a wonderful guy. However, according to the Secret Service Agents that served him during his time in the White House, he was a real ‘piece of work’ (my words).

Apparently he treated these people with contempt, in the typical southern plantation style. ‘Agents were not allowed to address him directly or make eye contact when he passed’. And he often prevailed upon them to do menial tasks for him that were not in their job description. Without going into the details, I’ll summarize by saying he was VERY different when the cameras weren’t around, and went to great lengths to put on a facade for them. (More details can be found in the August 2009 issue of Newsmax.)

It has been my experience that liars think everyone is a liar, and cheaters think everyone is a cheater, etc. People often project their own character flaws onto others when they make accusations. As the old saying goes ‘it takes one to know one’. So with that in mind, and in light of what I learned about his character, I would be fairly confident in betting that Mr. Carter is a racist. He may have learned to mask it, but if he treated even his bodyguards with contempt (and they were probably white), what are the chances he sees blacks as equals?

I point this out, not necessarily to malign Mr. Carter, but to show that this is a ridiculous accusation, from someone whose opinion probably shouldn’t be given too much weight in regards to issues of prejudice.

If memory serves me, one of the big theories among the radicals of the sixties is that there would be a revolution and a race war. Now these radicals are running the show. One of their main objectives is to cause chaos and dismantle our current government and society so that they can replace it with a Communist/New Age regime. If you are black, I have a question for you: are you being provoked to start a race war?

Thankfully, it appears most people aren’t taking the bait. I have rarely met a racist. I know racism exists in America. I know polygamy exists in America, and pedophilia, and slavery, and a host of other despicable things. But I don’t think there are many people who can say that is their normal experience of life in America. I don’t believe it is widespread. There are pockets of it, sure. But if that is what you are seeing day to day, perhaps you should consider moving to another town. There are certainly plenty of places to go where you will be appreciated and respected for who you are!

(And, if this is your experience, after you get out-please expose it! There are a lot of us white folks who would like to stamp out racism, so lets bring it into the light and deal with it.)

I cannot imagine what it is like to be born into the land of your grandparents’ oppressors. What white men inflicted on the Negroes, Native Americans, and others, is despicable, abominable, and without excuse!

I think many whites feel shame over what their forefathers did. However, you can only push that so far! We will apologize and try to make right, UP TO A POINT but, just as you were not the ones who were enslaved, we were not slaveholders. A couple of generations have passed, and we will not take the responsibility for the sins of our ancestors upon ourselves. We are sorry. They will have to stand before God and be judged for what they did.

I can assure you I have always been opposed to slavery and would actively be working with the underground railroad, if I were living in that time. However, I’m pretty sure you are not going to like the rest of what I have to say. I’ll tell you the basis for my attitude souring over the past decade or so, because I believe it’s happening with others too, and I believe you have the right to understand why.

Some blacks keep on pushing, and they are the ones I see. Being white, I am not in your home, your church or your neighborhood. I don’t see the full extent of your culture. What I do see is just a slice–I don’t think it represents most African Americans, at least I sure hope it doesn’t. It is the rude, loud, arrogant, disrespectful, in-your-face part. The gangster wannabe part. The violent, profane, rap music part. The pants-falling-off-the-butt part. I don’t care about the color of your skin, or where your ancestors were from–what I care about is your attitude!

The generation that fought for civil rights was a proud and respectful generation. I think they would roll over in their graves at the way the younger generation is undoing the respect they fought for! They seemed to understand that, if you want to be respected, you need to behave respectfully.

Some people bring on their own problems. If they come into a quiet neighborhood with rap music blasting profanity and their pants falling off their butt, and they want to rent a house there, they shouldn’t be surprised if they are turned away! If they were white, it would be the same! If they present themself in a way that would scare customers back out the door–they shouldn’t be surprised if they don’t get the job!

It certainly seems to be in vogue lately to throw out accusations of racism. You’ve probably heard the old story of ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’ . . . the story of a boy who liked to get the village people all riled up by calling ‘wolf’ so they would run out to protect him. He did it so often that, pretty soon everybody was on to him and paid him no more attention. Then, one day, there really was a wolf, and nobody believed him or came to his aid. Enough said?

If you think I am discriminating against you, I just might be–but don’t be so quick to assume it’s because of the color of your skin. What is your attitude? What do the lyrics of your music say about you? Because, if you are blasting it loudly, I’m going to assume you are using it as a way of speaking your mind. And, last but not least, maybe I’m just afraid of interacting with you. Not afraid you’ll cut my throat, but afraid that, despite my best intentions, I’m going to end up doing or saying something that offends you.

The other thing I’m going to say is this: I have seen many more people of color who are racist than whites who are. In fact, it seems to be the approved attitude in black culture today. I think if I hear ‘ . . . it’s because I’m black’ one more time, I’m going to scream! Sometimes, claiming racism is just a copout!

To me, constantly bringing the issue of race into things is a pretty good indicator that the person who does so is a racist. Believe it or not, a person’s race rarely crosses my mind, and even more rarely does it influence my decisions! I believe that’s true of most of the white folks I know.

From what I’ve seen, most whites don’t give much thought to race. (I guess it’s easier not to if you weren’t the ones who were oppressed.) But, an unintended consequence of making accusations of racism is that it is training us to think of race, where in the past we wouldn’t have. And, being that the focus on it is happening in such a negative way, I don’t feel like it is creating more understanding between us. Instead, I think it is dividing us into 2 camps, and none of us has a choice which camp we end up in, because it is based on the color of our skin–something none of us had a choice in.

Are you sure you are a victim of racism? Or, are you being baited to start a revolution? Are you angry about your own experiences, or are you being provoked by the words of others? Are you being told the truth–or are you being used to further someone else’s agenda?

I can understand being angry if you don’t feel like you’re being treated fairly. However, the way you choose to try to resolve it will have a lot to do with the results you’ll achieve.

So, what do you want to accomplish? Do you want to continue to be angry and adversarial? Do you want to increase racism? All these accusations are certainly increasing racism among young blacks! Think of the example it sets for them! If you can’t get past the anger, then lets TALK.

Or, do you want to turn it around? If you’re ready to change it, here is something that may help:

What you may not realize is that people tend to reflect back what you project to them. If you project anger and mistrust at them, they’re likely to reflect that back on you. But, if you project yourself as a calm, rational, confident person that is equal to them, that’s how you’ll likely be treated.

I think a lot of black people simply don’t understand that’s how relationships with whites work. People that mouth off and try to be threatening are the ones who meet with the most resistance. Those who project themselves as inferior are going to attract people that treat them as if they are.

When you interact with most whites, except the ridiculously arrogant ‘elite’, you’ll be treated the way you want if you are polite, calm, rational and confident.

Slavery is behind us. You have been given the full rights of citizenship. I think you can safely assume that the majority of us see you as equals. (As far as the few that don’t-they have a problem, and they make us uncomfortable too.) From our point of view, we are confused as to why you keep on fighting. You’ve already won! Just live the part!

Racism & Lincoln

. . . It’s About Freedom!!